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The boss came early in the morning one day and found his manager kissing his

secretary. He shouted at him, "Is this what I pay you for?"

The manager replied: "No, sir, this I do free of charge."

 

 

A man went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked,

"Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses?" "Yes, of

course," said the doctor, "why not!"

"Oh! How nice it would be ," said the patient with joy, "I have been

illiterate for so long."

 

A priest, seeing a blank signboard hanging on a lamppost wrote upon it:

"I pray for all."

A Solicitor wrote underneath: "I plead for all."

A doctor added: "I prescribe for all."

A simple citizen wrote: "I pay for all."

 

 

After a dinner speech, the speaker scolded his secretary:

"Why did you write such a long speech for me? You saw how those

people were feeling bored!" The secretary replied, "Sir, it wasn't a

lengthy speech at all; but I did make one mistake- I gave you all 3

copies of the speech."

 

This is for only Indian Desi ( NRI’s )

You are a desi if

you ask for small drink at fast food restaurant because

the refill is free.

you know more than one plans offered by long distance

telephone companies.

* you take plain water instead of Coke for lunch.

* you take any drink with no ice because you can't drink

ice

* you ask before eating any meat "Is this beef?"

* you try to ignore all other unknown desis around you.

* you know all the facilities available at public library.

* you talk to americans as if you represent your whole

country

* your stove in the apartment is covered with aluminum

foil.

* you frequent to yard sales every week.

* you find taco bell sauce packets in your kitchen drawer.

* your dinner involves spreading newspaper on living room

floor.

* you take off your shoes before stepping foot in your living

room.

* you like onion rings at Burger King.

* your are looking for dual voltage electric/electronic

appliances.

* the phrase "When are you going to India" comes into

your conversation at least once a day.

* you bought Toyota or Honda car only because it has

better resale value.

* the number of long distance calls is more than domestic

calls.

* you keep switching your internet service provider

because first month is free.

* you go back to your apartment for lunch.

* your full name contains more than 15 characters.

* you know all the $1.50 theaters in your city.

* the only reason you go to a temple on festivals is

because there is free food.

* you have spent nights in the car while traveling because

you wanted to save money spent on cheap motel.

* you don't know any American outside your work.

* you tried to flirt with the Hindi speaking operator at

AT&T.

* you have at least one India made pressure cooker in

your kitchen.

* you know how much a 7 layer burrito costs at Taco Bell.

* you run to Laundromat in your lungi.

* put oil in your hair.

* you have a picture of Indian deity on the dashboard of

your car.

* this thought comes to you "Oh shit I just saw another

desi" when you are window shopping at a local mall.

* you keep comparing prices at circuit city for the phone

you boughtsix months ago.

* the lawyer handling your green card is in your speed

dial.

* you are compelled to visit ever major city in US, just so

as to say that "Yes I have been there"

* you are comfortable with an American than an ABCD.

* you have been to Mexico or Canada for multiple entry H1

Visa.

* you pay your bills the day they come in mail.

* spent 2 days cleaning your apartment before leaving so

you can get full security refund from landlord.

* have a bucket in your bath tub.

* you have to borrow luggage from friends for India visit.

* the smoke detector goes off whenever your are cooking

dinner.

* you know which grocery store keeps coriander.

* you buy butter milk before you run out of it.

* you use grocery bags as garbage bags.

* you say 'Damn I have already seen this show" when ever

you are watching Married With Children.

* you buy rice in the 20 pound bags.

* office supplies mysteriously find their way in your house.

* you don't want to buy a printer because you can always

use the office printer.

* you have postponed buying answering machine because

the computer you are planning to buy six months later has in

built answering machine.

* your idea of fun involves bowling.

* you starts spelling your name to the operator like A as in

Apple, Bas in boy , T as in train ...well you get the idea.

* you ask another desi if he/she ever got a traffic ticket.

* you haven't had a single female in your apartment

besides your friends wife.

* you circulate Playboy's Lingerie edition amongst your

friends.

* you bring over the counter medicines like Iodex and

Vicks from India.

* decide to marry a girl, your parents fixed without even

meeting her.

* you know the current differential in gold prices between

India and US.

* you go to a temple to pick up a women.

* you have worked illegally in a Guju's motel.

* you mark your forehead with scared ash.

* you have a bought a video camera just before Niagara

trip andreturned it after the trip.

* VIP/Indian brand underwear and undershirts.

* you have Rin (detergent soap cake) in your bathroom.

* you have taken pictures of your car and mailed to your

folks back home.

* use the credit card with maximum cash back.

you have collected enough frequent flier miles for a

international trip.

* you are saving more that 30 % of your salary.

* talk about the sexual escapades of your friend.

* you have never asked a girl out.

* you have bookmarked immigration web pages in your

browser.

* you know all of your friends salary.

* tried to talk in a phony accent with the freshie in the

school.

* you have asked a PhD student for a ride to grocery

store.

* there are more that 4 guys living in a 2 bedroom

apartment.

* you have cooking schedule in your kitchen cabinet.

* you spend at least 2 evenings in a week at Kmart.

* you split even tax from your common grocery bill.

* complain about Indian international airports on your first

vacation to India.

* you take 4 week long vacation.

* you are the first to know about any on campus job

openings at the school library/cafeteria/computer center.

* you act as if you are the busiest person on the earth.

* you dial 9-1-1 (instead of dialling 01191) to make

internationalcalls and smile apologetically when the Cops

arrive at your door in less than 15-minutes.

* you put the photograph of Ganesha or some other deity

on your PC in the Office as a Background Wallpaper

* you boast to your American Colleagues that the girl on

your PC's wallpaper is your Girlfriend (When your PC shows

a photograph of Aishwarya Rai!)

* you buy anything from any store and just return it after a

few weeks (just for the heck of it and just because it is

returnable!)

* you are frequent visitor to any of the Outlet Malls near

your place!

* you apply deoderant spray on your clothes (because the

perfume bottle is costly to purchase)

* you take pleasure in passing lewd/obscene remarks at

the Americans in vernacular Indian languages, just because

they are unable to understand it;

* you talk to your Indian colleague in your local Indian

language in presence of an American Colleague

* you take pleasure in switching your telephone

companies from MCI to AT&T to Sprint, just to take

advantage of their competition

* your weekend routine schedule is to visit a temple and

an Indian restaurant

 

*** I hope a TRUE DESI gets not less than 90% of the

score. If not???

(May be some thing wrong with your DESI brain)

 

 

 

Smile :- A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Rumor :- News that travels at the speed of sound.

College :- A place where some pursue learning and others

L earn pursuing.

Ecstasy :- A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a

feeling you have never felt before.

Office :- A place where you can relax after your strenuous

homelife.

 

Yawn :- The only time some married men ever get to open

their mouth.

 

Etc. :- A sign to make others believe that you know more

than you actually do.

Committee :- Individuals who can do nothing individually and

sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Classic :- A book which people praise, but do not read.

Marriage :- It's an agreement in which a man loses his

bachelor degree and woman gains her master's.

Worry :- Interest paid on trouble before it falls due.

Experience:- The name men give to their mistakes.

 

Tears :- The hydraulic force by which masculine power is

defeated by feminine power.

Atom Bomb :- An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher:- A fool who torments himself during life, to be

spoken of when dead.

Optimist :- A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally

falls into a river.

Miser :- A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Father :- A banker provided by nature.

Criminal :- A guy no different from the rest... except that he

got caught.

Boss :- Someone who is early when you are late and late

when you are early.

Politician:- One who shakes your hand before elections and your

confidence after.

Doctor :- A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills

you with his bills.

 

 

Time Pass

There is this good old Barber in some city in US.

One day a Florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to

pay the Barber and the barber replies:

'I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community

Service'.

The Florist is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a Thank

you card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.

A Cop goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the Barber and the

barber replies:

'I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community

Service'.

The Cop is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a Thank

you card and a dozen Donuts waiting at his door.

A Desi ( Indian ) Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes

to pay the

Barber and barber replies:

'I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community

Service'.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, guess what he

finds

there....(scroll down)

A dozen Desis( Indian ) waiting for a free Haircut